Atherton Collieries (MEN United Cup)

This week first team goalkeeper John McIlwaine tells Rob all about the dressing room music tastes…or lack of them

Who controls the music in the dressing room?
That would be any one who doesn't mind using up their mobile phone data as we stream tunes from the internet… usually Danny Hewitt. He's taken Malam on board this season to carry the speakers to away games. 

Do you have an regular tunes that you listen to before matches?
Recently we’ve been opting for different dance music mixes from the Soundcloud website. It’salways something upbeat to get us going. It makes a change as before that we had the same CD every week for two years. 

Who is the squad’s biggest muso?
Tough one but I reckon Haggis (assistant manager). He seems to have been to see all kinds of bands at all kinds of places. He’s also probably the last guy you'd think who loves rap legends Cypress Hill. 

Who has the worst taste in music?

Another tough one. While there’s always dodgy stuff coming out of Tom Murray and Brandon's earphones, I’d have to say Kiarno. He strikes me as a Pitbull and Will.i.am kind of guy.

Are there any musicians in the squad?
The only ones I know of is our gaffer, Gibbo. He reckons he taught himself to play the guitar. Oh and apparently Jonny Hardy is good with the triangle.

Who would win in an Abbey karaoke competition?
The best singer, Sam Jones, isn't with us anymore.He gets a bit carried away. A competition between Baz (Walker) Gibbo, Sam and Yarwood would be good. Yarwood reckons he's got a bit of Ed Sheeranin his locker. I think he means his barnet. The  best bit of karaoke there has been in my time at Abbey was when we all sang Bob Marley Could You Be Loved in memory of our late former teammate Lowen Douglas at the Christmas party. 

Congleton Town (NWCFL Premier Division)

Halloween has now passed. The nightmare is over. The skies are clear once again and everything is rosy on Goredale. For now.
After a hellish start to the season it seems things are startingto take something of an upward turn on the pitch. 
Trick-or-treaters from Silsden to Alsager took full advantage as our lads lost their first seven games. It was quite a feat.

Another nine defeats were punctuated with a solitary win at home to Nelson. On three occasions we shipped four goals in a single game. At home. 
The spirits were definitely angry with us for some reason. Did a stray ball land end up being booted next door into Gorton Cemetery by mistake? Did it dislodge a gravestoneperhaps?
Whatever happened it’s a good job that Gibbo swapped his tactics board for a Ouija board to shoo the bad vibes away as the last five results make much happier reading. 
Three wins and a couple of draws is quite a turn around for a club that two months ago couldn’t find the back of the net.

The fight for Premier League survival starts here and, as the zombies from Bacup appear to have been even sleepier at the back than us, we stand more than a fighting chance of staying up. 
As a footnote, the winners against Barnoldswick and WestDidsbury were bagged by new boys Sam FREAKES and Chris HALLOWS.

Tell me that’s not a coincidence.

 

Maine Road (The MEN Cup)

Ever seen three thousand Emirate men in traditional dress chanting We Will Rock You in Arabic from a football terrace? No, neither had I until last Saturday night.
My October travels took me to Abu Dhabi, the UAE captial, where my cousin lives and works. He’s a football obsessive and suggested we take in a local game. 
The plan was to meet ten minutes before kick off at Al Wahda Mall which backs on to Al Nahyan Stadium, the home of Al Wahda FC. Sadly, hectic evening traffic scuppered this arrangement and at 8.10pm, ten minutes in to the game, I was frantically running down a narrow street behind the main stand looking for a turnstile.
I needn’t have been worried though as entry to these matches is free. The UAE Gulf League is seen as a vanity project and most clubs are owned by a UAE royal family member. 
As you have already seen with the investment into Manchester City, money appears to be no object to these lads – City owner Sheikh Mansour also owns Al Wahda’s cross-town rivals Al Jazira.
Eventually I found a gate. Two policemen searched my bag and I was led up to a sparsely populated but plush looking main stand. 
The Al Nahyan Stadium is a 12,000-capacity open bowl which is very reminiscent of old Eastern Bloc stadia. The stand opposite the one I’d ended up in was where the action was. 3,000 locals in their white dish dash robes filled the terrace. They banged drums and passionately chanted for their team in unison. It was a shame I didn’t speak Arabic.
Al Wahda’s rivals for the night, Al Wasl, had travelled down from Dubai. Their players were sporting a bright yellow strip which contrasted nicely with the burgundy of the hosts. In the far corner of one end behind the goal were a plucky 300 who had made the journey. 
As for the standard of football...well it wasn’t the best. The teams were mainly made up of local players with a few international imports. Decision making was dubious from both teams and the ball was regularly booted out of play. The setting had all the trappings and prestige of a Champions League match but the actual football was no better to watch than our own league.  
At half time I migrated to the other side of the ground to meet up with my cousin who was sat in the middle of the dish dash mafia. It was a comical sight. 
In the second half the home support upped its game as a man with a megaphone led the chanting from the front of the stand. In the shadow of three enormous framed portraits – the country’s founder, president and vice-president – that towered above the stand it had the feel of a protest rally rather than a football crowd.
On the pitch things were hotting up ever so slightly. Al Wasl’s Brazilian loanee Caio, wearing number 90, came on from the bench and immediately scored to send the visitors into a 2-1 lead. The South American was head and shoulders above the rest of his mainly UAE team mates. He then pushed his luck by running the length of the home stand making a shushing gesture. The locals weren’t happy.
I was praying Wahda would equalise to ensure myself a safe exit and got my wish ten minutes later. A scuffed shot from Amer Omar made it 2-2. The final whistle blew and we made our way out of the ground. 
In this non-drinking country the mall is often the focus of the locals’ leisure time and it was there where we headed to grab a burger and have a wander. It was a far cry from the Abbey clubhouse and 3,000 miles away from Gorton I secretly pined for a pint of Boddingtons. I’ll be pleased to get that pint this afternoon. Enjoy the game.

Barnoldswick Town (NWCFL Premier Division)

After Saturday's trip to Chadderton FC it would appear we have a few things in common with the Broadway side.
On top of boasting a Murray brother in the starting line up, they too unfortunately find themselves victims to mindless local crime. 
Friday night break-ins at the Chaddy compound, in similar fashion to what we have experienced in the past, are becoming a regular occurrence.
I was shown photographs of some of the things ground staff find littering the pitch on a Saturday morning. Among them was a robust-looking knife that, in the wrong hands, looked capable of doing some serious damage. Scary stuff.
I can understand the boredom that comes from being too old to sit in on a Friday night yet being too young to get served in the pub. 
I even understand the kids who have climbed over the gates of Goredale to have a moonlit kick-about - ex-professional footballer James Scowcroft was one of them. 
What I don't understand is why anyone would want to vandalise and jeopardise the existence of their local football ground. 
These are little bastions where, for a few hours, you can forget the weight of the world and watch local lads play the game we love in an honest fashion. They should be embraced, not attacked.
Sadly this element will not be going away any time soon and I wish Chadderton FC well in their attempts to tackle the problems that lie on their doorstep.

Nelson (NWCFL Premier Division)

Beyond local football one thing we’re proud of at Abbey is local music. The team runs out to a Manchester anthem and rightly so. With that in mind, this week I’m going to talk about a Manchester music legend’s latest album. 
I’ve purposely left it two months since the release date to chew it over and let it sink in. After all it has been five years in the making. I am of course talking about World Peace Is None Of Your Business, the new Morrissey LP.
The Pope of Mope is the musical equivalent of Marmite and splits people down the middle. But when haters accuse him of being maudlin, they completely miss the point. Morrissey lyrics have always dripped with sarcasm, wit and an unrivaled wryness.  
Take track 10, Kick The Bride Down The Aisle, for example: “Kick the bride down the aisle, look at that cow......in the field, it knows more than the bride knows.” A sardonic take on what Moz deems to be an outdated alien practise. Fair play.
And as for bringing current affairs to the table goes there’s no braver man in the pop world at the minute. On the title track World Peace Is None Of Your Business he belts out: “Brazil and Bahrain, Egypt, Ukraine, so many people in pain.” So much more valid than singing about nightclubs and bling.
The Bullfighter Dies too provides a worthy platform for Moz’s strong beliefs, this time on the animal rights front: “Hooray, hooray, the bullfighter dies, and nobody cries, because we all want the bull to survive.” Rightly or wrongly you can’t accuse the man of sitting on the fence. 
Away from the lyrics, the music on this release is absolutely superb. Production levels are top notch and a nod to Morrissey’s substantial Hispanic fanbase is evident with lovely flamenco interludes. 
Texan guitarist Jesse Tobias has been part of the band for nine years now and on this album comes to the fore more than ever in the song-writing department being credited for five of the 12 tunes.
All in all World Peace doesn’t really touch the heights set by 1994’s Vauxhall And I or 2004’s You Are The Quarry but make no mistake, this would still be a worthy purchase for any Manchester music aficionado.

West Didsbury and Chorlton (NWCFL Premier Division)

Our good friends at Shotts Bon Accord go to the polls on Thursday to determine their country’s future. A momentous day for Scottish history and one that got me thinking. 
Just imagine if us North Westerners were offered a similar opportunity.
The late Mancunian innovator Anthony H Wilson had clearly thought about it while he was still with us and even commissioned the Factory Records’ designer Peter Saville to come up with a North West flag (the top left corner of an existing St Georges flag). 
And he wasn’t wrong about much. In terms of popular and social culture the North West has always been leaps and bounds ahead of other non-London regions of the UK. 
Just look at the music Manchester and Liverpool have given the world for a start. From The Beatles to The Smiths, from Mersey Beat to Acid House, we’re the pioneers. No one comes close. 
Football too. We invented the game here for heaven’s sake. Manchester United and Liverpool are the two biggest and most successful clubs in British football boasting an honours list and history that others can only dream of. 
The civic rivalry between the two cities though would mean that in the event of independence we might have to follow the lead of Australia and base our Canberra between rivals Sydney and Melbourne. Which in our case would probably be Warrington. Imagine that.
Our own North West Counties Football League would already be in place as our national league which could be expanded to accommodate the other North West clubs. 75,000 attendances for cup games against United at Brookburn Road and the AbbeyStad? Better get some temporary stands, Derek.
As for a national anthem who could argue with the Coronation Street theme? Synonymous with North West life for decades it would be a fitting choice. 
So tonight at the thinking man’s Manchester derby cast an eye over the back of the covered stand towards town to Beetham Tower and beyond and ponder. This land could be truly ours. What a wonderful thought.

Bootle (NWCFL Premier Division)

In the absence of a full-time kit man, our management team recently took it upon themselves to design this season’s home strip. 
And to be fair to them they did a good job. The sponsor is legible from 20 yards away which is one up on last season’s black type on red shirt effort. The crest appears on the socks too, nice touch. There is just one snag though. Instead of being red and black it’s purple. 
The kitmaker defended its work explaining that it’s actually a dark shade of red but there’s no getting away from the fact that it’s most definitely purple.
The colour change was so stark that the club has actually had to register the news with the league. 
I’m going to be honest here. I like it. It has a European feel. The sort of kit an Italian second division club would wear.
The colour too, whilst being the product of an accident, represents a mixture of blue and red. A bit like Gorton. 
If we are to persevere with it though I think it’s only fair the teams run out to either Jimi Hendrix Purple Haze or Prince’s Purple Rain. 
Speaking of Purple Rain, last Saturday the lads embarked on what we hope will be the start of a purple patch. 
Their second half dismantling of one of the league’s bigger boys AFC Liverpool was heartwarming. Purple veins were certainly pulsating on the temples of the opposition coaches as a Jon Hardy opener, a Brandon Zibaka brace and a Des Flanagan winner sealed the points in a remarkable 4-2 win.
Let’s hope the lads can put on a repeat performance against the other Merseyside club this afternoon.